“Magic” Mark Zartarian

Room Service

The interesting thing about this job is when you knock on the door you never know whether the person on the other side has got a gun, it’s a naked woman, or both.

At the Sahara on swing shift there are three guys running 2,100 rooms. It is much better than being a dining room waiter. I don’t have those classic waiter nightmares anymore. You know the one. You’ve got a hundred people in your station and you can’t remember anyone’s order. In room service I can pour a $100 bottle of wine without some kid tugging on me going “Mister, I want some more butter!”

Sheri and I ended up in Vegas when we were attempting to walk across country. We walked across New Hampshire, Vermont, into New York and got heat stroke, water and food poisoning all at once. We ended up in the hospital and decided to get a van so we could see the country.

We were in Vegas on our way to go camping in California and I took one look at the Strip and said, “Whoa, I could make money there!” Being a waiter I just knew it was the kind of place the tips would be flowing. And I was right. As far as the restaurant business goes, it’s probably the best money in the world.

We had jobs inside a week. We went down to the union and basically bought a job. It cost a hundred bucks a head to sign up, get your sheriff’s card, health card, and everything.

Once we were in it was so worth it. The wages and benefits were beyond anything I’d ever imagined. I had worked in states where the dining room waiter would make the subminimum of $2.25 an hour plus tips with no benefits at all, not even a meal. Here they were paying $7.50 an hour plus full health, paid vacation, guaranteed break, two meals a day, can’t be fired unless you’re really screwing up. We were just gonna stay for six months at the outside. That was almost seven years ago.

People who order room service don’t want to stand in line. They’ve had a long day at a convention or they’ve been gambling all night and they’ve got a hangover. Sometimes they just want to argue. You go into a room and there’s four guys all bigger than you and they’re in a bad mood because they just spent half their life’s savings on the tables stupidly. You gotta keep your eyes open.

One time I made the mistake of asking, “So, are you having any luck?” And the guy just exploded. “No, I lost $100,000 playing baccarat last night!” You learn not to ask.

Then there’s the porno convention. They answer the door and there’ll be five naked people standing there. They like to see the shock on your face. For us the idea is not to get in trouble. Just give them their order and leave.

One night we saw a magic show on the Strip and the next day I blew a bunch of money at the magic shop. I do parties and I’m building a show. I have stage illusions and animals. Odin the boa, the iguana, the doves. My goal is to do it six nights a week for a casino.

People say, “Oh, love at first sight doesn’t exist.” Well, it does. First day of high school in Alaska I was at my locker and I turned around and there was Sheri. It was kind of like the movies. The background just faded out and everything was kind of hazy except her face.

Now we’ve got our daughter Nicole, our main concern is working to make the environment better for her.